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Perfect(Songfic)
Part of the Songfic Series. OA is P!ink. Don't worry, I replaced the curse words. xDDD Okay, so...I'm trying another kind of two narrators thing. So... Bold and Italics-'' Songfic, Sunheart's POV Italics-'' Songfic, Brookstone's POV :Regular Words- Storyline, Brookstone's POV. :''Itaclics- ''Story, Sunheart's POV Enjoy! THe sequel is Without You Perfect ''Made a wrong turn once or twice :Decisions fall my way like snowflakes on a breeze. I bat them down, into mud puddles, turning them, not meaning to, from wisps of beauty into mucks of nastiness. Dug my way out :And yet here I am. Blood and fire, bad decisions :Deputy of ThunderClan. That's alright :I'm okay with that...I guess. I mean everyone's figured out how incompetent I am. And still, Brindlestar refuses to depoint me.... Welcome to my silly life. Mistreated :As I stretch, walking outside the den, the sunlight hits me and I stop, blinded for a moment. But my paws don't seem to stop and I tumble down the rocks. Nothing's broken, but I feel bruised all over. :"Hey look, it's our loser deputy!" someone yowls. I look around, not able to place the voice. :Another voice taunt, "Give us our patrols, unless you forgot them!" cruel laughter. :I mumble the patrols and my tormentors disband. Misplaced :I turn, muttering, "Never should've agreed....being deputy sucks..." :"Not really," someone meows, "Unless you do it the way you are." Misunderstood! :I spin around, usually fiery, "It's not my fault that I suck you stupid condescending piece of-" :The golden colored tom backs up a pace, but he's still grinning, "Woah, woah, Brookstone! I was just making an observation." :"Well it's much appreciated," I growl, "Thanks Sunheart.." I turn again, tail dragging in the dust. Miss, 'No way, it's all good!', it didn't slow me down. :I drag myself back to Brindlestar's den, lying in front of the entrance, sniveling like a fool. Sunheart seems to have followed me up, but at this point I don't care.... Mistaken, always second guessing, underestimated :Well...actually i do care. As he settles next to me, I immediately start considering why he's here, examining his moves and what he said earlier. Look I'm still around! :I might be completely incompetent, but I'm not an idiot. I was appointed because of my strategics skills. But other then that I'm not good at much. ''Pretty pretty please! :Sunheart looks at me, "You're not a bad deputy you know." :I look at him. A golden furred tom with the typical bright green eyes. Popular, an excellent warrior. The kind she-cats want and the kind toms want to be like. :The kind of tom who has a habit of worming his way into my heart then shattering it. The kind of tom I can't help trusting. Don't you ever feel '' :I snort, "You have no idea. No idea what it is to fail or to want to be better then you are." ''Like you're less then, less then perfect? :"You don't know what it's like not to be perfect. To have everything," Pretty pretty please! :"Aw, don't talk like that," he smiles, "You're super smart and pretty and clever..." :I have never thought of myself that way. Light tabby brown fur and blue eyes is not what I consider pretty. I am clever most certainly, but smart? Am I really these things in his eyes? Even though I know he could break me with his next word, I lean in, wanting to hear more. If you ever feel like you are nothing, you are perfect to me! :He stands, smiling kindly down at me, "If you ever feel bad about yourself, just know..." he pauses, almost embarrassed, "You're a great deputy." :He hurries away and I stand, smiling for the first time in what feels like moons. You're so mean''' (You're so mean)'' :We meet in the training hollow. Neither of us is a mentor, but it's been a long day and watching the apprentice's train is amusing and gives you a sense of pride. I could do with a bit of both. :"I don't know why you judge yourself so harshly." :I turn to look at him curiously, "Why do you care?" :He turns to look at me, "When you talk about yourself....you sound so....sad. It's almost painful to hear." ''When you talk (When you talk)'' :"I don't talk about myself." :He smiles shyly, "Well maybe you should." :I feel my fur get hot and I turn back to the mock battle, feeling Sunheart still watching me. Change the voices '(Change the voices)'' :"You really think I could get better?" :"If you believe in yourself. You're amazing, you just need to let the world know that." Sunheart smiles. ''In you're head (In you're head)'' :"You just have to concentrate on the successes, not the failures. '' :Sunheart's words come back to me and I grit my teeth. ''Thanks for the advice, because it sucks... :Successes....I have none. Unless you count not crying at the cruel jokes flung my way this morning. ''Make them like you instead. So complicated, '' :It's hard.... 'Look how happy you'll make it!' :I can't do it. I'm too....imperfect.. 'Filled with so much hatred...' ''Such a tired game... :I'm so tired. :"You're doing great!" Sunheart meows, "You've become much more confident and-" It's enough! I've done all I can think of! :"I can't do it anymore!" I yowl, hopping to my paws. "It's too hard and I'm just not the perfect little she-cat you want me to be!" Chased down all my demons, I've seen you do the same! :"You say be confident and I try! You say be better, I try! You say I'm clever, I try to be more clever!" I meow, exasperated, "But I'm done trying! I'll settle for being the bad deputy who no one noticed. And you can go back to thinking I was non-existent." Pretty pretty please! :"I never thought that." his voice is quiet but strong. :"What?!" I meow, thrown off target. :His green eyes flash up to mine, "I always knew who you were....you have never not existed for me." Don't you ever feel like you're less then '' ''Less then perfect... :My eyes widen. Toms don't often declare their love for me. In fact...this is probably the first time. Pretty pretty please! If you ever feel like nothing, you are perfect to me! :He wraps his tail around me, his eyes peering into mine. "That's why it hurts so much to see you doubting yourself." he whispers, "Because you have always been perfect in my eyes." The whole world's scared so I swallow my fear The only thing I should be drinking is an ice cold beer... :I swallow. I can't be scared. :But I can't help it. This is the first battle I've led my Clan into. And I've come along way with Sunheart's help. But I'm still Brookstone, the deputy who's scared to accidentally kill one of her cats. :The plan is simple. An attack on ShadowClan camp, one team to sneak around and take out Foxstar, another, larger team to take out the rest of the camp. My task is to sort the groups. :I stand on the Tall Rock, the Clan assembled below me. I pause, looking at Sunheart, wondering which group to put him in. I myself am leading the attack on camp, but I can't keep him close by me if it means that he could be lost....the leader mission will be much safer. :"Sunheart, go with Brindlestar's group," I meow. He nods, not seeming upset or betrayed. I breath out thankfully, then continue... So cool in line and we try and try and try But we try too hard and it's a waste of my time.... :I stand in line, my shoulders hunched. :"Lucky, you get to be on the leader group!" Birchclaw muttered. :"Wish I was on the other," I mutter, then even quieter, so almost no one can hear me, I meow, "Brookstone wants to protect me." Done looking for the critics cuz they're everywhere... They don't like my jeans, they don't get my hair. :I leap down, allowing Brindlestar to finish the things, switch the final few cats. But most people seem happy with my decisions. Even if they weren't, I wouldn't notice. I'm done looking for the things I've done wrong now. I have to focus on what I've done right, what I can keep doing right. Exchange ourselves And we do it all the time... Why do we do that? :Brindlestar leads us across the territory, and despite my anger at Brookstone, I can't help feeling excited. This is an important mission. Foxstar has been terrorizing the forest for too long. And now I get to help cats bring him down. '' :''We stampede across the border, then slowing to a trot to a stalk, we slip through the nightmare-ish forests of ShadowClan territory. Even the camp has a sinister feel to it. We circle, coming around to the back of the large, large leaders den. From the scent of it, it used to be the nursery, but the queens and kits are gone. I can smell Foxstar. Only when Brindlestar, Gorsefur, and I leap into the nursery do I realize that there is more then one cat here. '' :''Foxstar was supposed to be alone. But apparently someone warned him about us. '' :''Because there are 5 huge ShadowClan warriors hulking over him, ready to rip our throats out. '' ''Why do I do that? Why do I do that? :I slash at a large ShadowClan she-cat, looking anxiously at the leader's den. With all the yowling and other sounds of battle, I can't tell what's going on inside. All I can hope is that I made the right choice, kept Sunheart, my perfect love, alive and safe. It's hard to imagine a more difficult battle then the one out here in the camp, but what do I know? :All I can do is grit my teeth and throw myself at another cat. Yeah, oh baby... :When the battle is over, the ShadowClan cats subdued or too wounded to attack, I lead Flowerthorn and Berryspot to the leader's den, wanting to see the result of what happened there. :I shriek as three large cats run towards us, but soon enough some more cats have come and helped us take care of them. With a sinking heart, I enter the den, alone this time, scared of what I might see. And as I pass through I realize that if the worst has happened, and I am terrified that it has, that I will never be able to make a decision again. I will never take the responsibility, knowing that I sent someone I love to their deaths. :And I am right. Pretty pretty please! :"Sunheart..." I whisper, then it turns into a wail, "Sunheart!" :I throw myself on him. And even though I know in real life you don't get long good byes, I can't help hoping for one. And I pray. :Please let him be alive. Please, please. '' 'Don't you ever ever feel' 'Don't you ever ever feel' :His eyes flutter and I can't believe it worked. But his eyes are intense, full of pain and urgency. :"Brookstone," he coughs, "It's not your fault." :It is. But I can't damage his final moments with that. :"I love you," I meow. :"No!" he meows, eyes full of green fire, "You can't blame yourself! I know you will! I know-" he coughs again, a few droplets of blood splattering the den floor. :"Okay," I meow. I survey the cave, "At least you got Foxstar. And Brindlestar's still okay...I think." :He nods, eyes fluttering closed. I hold my breath. 'Like you're less then, less then perfect...' :"Not you're fault," he murmurs. :"No, I promise, I won't...blame myself," I meow sadly. :"You're perfect.." he meows, almost sleepily. ''Pretty pretty please! :I can't help still thinking, he'll be okay. He'll come back, wake up. '' :But he doesn't. He never will. His eyes are closed, his breathing strong and even. My perfect tom. 'If you ever feel like you are nothing, you are perfect to me!' :''She's the type of she-cat that just ''is ''beautiful. Classic light brown fur and eyes the color of a clear creek. Quiet, shy, smart. An excellent deputy. The kind she-cats are secretly jealous of and tom's crush on. The kind of she-cat who 'gets into me, becomes apart of me, becomes one with my heart. '' :''The kind of she-cat I can't help loving. '' ''Yeah.... :My perfect tom... You are perfect! :The perfect kind of she-cat. You are perfect... Pretty pretty please! :My perfect tom. Gone. :Flowerthorn tries to comfort me, but I wail wordlessly. Bring him back, bring him back, don't let him be gone, my perfect tom, Sunheart, my love... If you ever feel like nothing you are perfect :She will blame herself. And I will be helpless, trapped in the stars, unable to protect her from herself. My perfect she-cat, ruining herself from the inside, the poisons of guilt and doubt nagging at her until she will be nothing. And the remains of my Brookstone will be buried so deep, I will have to dig far to reach them. '' ''You are perfect :I promised him I wouldn't doubt my decision. :But I can't help it. I sent him to his death. I killed Sunheart. :I stand on the top of Tall Rock, breathing deeply. Stand tall, remember, and let go the summer fling, let go of the golden haired tom, the popular warrior who believed in me. But not enough. Let him go and prepare for the winter. Let him go and accept my own faults, my own defeat. :Let him go. :But never stop remembering. ''To me. '' Category:Artimas Hunter's Fanfics Category:Songfic